We didn’t win the Powerball…again

I had high hopes for this ticket. I planned it out in my head. The debts we would pay. The remodeling we would do. The jobs I would quit. Oh, well…there’s always Saturday.

I’ve been reading a lot more blogs lately. Well, I’m really just binge-reading one and now I have formed an entire friendship in my mind between myself and this woman. We’re very similar, I’m sure she would like me very quickly. But between that and hopes of a million dollar winner, I keep getting lost in a dream world.

With baby #2 growing more and more every day, my husband and I were faced with the challenge of adjusting what childcare looks like for our family in the upcoming months. One of the options is more time at home for me. The thoughts of a smaller paycheck is terrifying, but even the small amount of time I’ll be able to spend at home with my kids is so exciting. I dream of being a stay-at-home mom almost every day. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m overworked (3 jobs and ever so slowly finishing my Master’s degree) or because I’m lazy (not having to get dressed for work every morning sounds like a dream), but being at home is all I can think about lately. And I’m having a really hard time figuring out if that’s because of me or if God is truly putting it on my heart that this is something to consider. We have longs talks about this, but He never just comes out and says anything. Typical.

All of this to say, I want to blog more. I want to reflect more. I want to pray more. I want to share more and find my voice. I want to find my place. I want to be known and loved. I want to be more intentional with my time and my thoughts.

Lent is calling me to something new, I can feel that…I just need to figure it out and maybe putting words to (digital) paper is one of those things.


I’m surviving

That’s a lot of what it feels like lately. No thriving here. Day by day, moment by moment, I am getting through. A large portion of it is lack of sleep, for sure. Another part, though, I think is feeling disconnected from who I was and who I thought I would be. The cliched phrase is something along the lines of God laughing at our plans and, while I love keeping God jolly, I kind of wish He’d let me in on the joke every once and a while.

And, unfortunately but not unpredictably, right now the focus of my “I wishes” is revolving around my physical appearance. Still got the baby tummy, still got the stretch marks, still not the gorgeous, twig who can confidently do anything she wants and has a perfect heart of gold. And, like most bad feelings I find myself in, I don’t shake them away easily. I’m defining myself by the way others define me and/or how I look at any given moment. Not the precious child of God who has a unique place in this world. Thank goodness I have a baby girl, who is thankfully the spitting image of her daddy, to distract from the fact that I don’t love myself the way that I should because of some ill-conceived notions in my head. So, I’ll love her, and her daddy, the very best that I can and hope that along the way, I will learn to use some of that unconditional love on myself as well.

Mommy Mode

Today is Vivi’s first day at the babysitter’s house. *Pause for highly emotional moment*

And, besides the constant feeling of wanting to go and pick her up which began at 8am, I’ve been a bit overwhelmed, and let’s face it exhausted. I thought that things were crazy when I was the only one who needed to leave for the day but, unsurprisingly, getting three people up and out the door in the morning is 3x the crazy. So, all day long I’ve been brainstorming ways to take control before I lose my sanity completely.

My newest project, which I’m still madly in love with (check back in 3 months), is bullet journaling. Now, I am a master of making 17+ to do lists with overlapping items and losing at least 4 of them in the Bermuda triangle, so the thought of having everything together in one place was super appealing. But I actually think that what drew me to this the most was all of the pretty Instagram posts of intricate gorgeous page layouts…so really I’m just hoping at some point my handwriting will magically correct itself into art. The ability for me to use this technique to marry the practical with the creative is (hopefully) what will keep me committed to this new highly organized lifestyle. Well, that and the adorable 2 month old who will only require me to work even harder to stay a step ahead (or at the very least caught up) with her ever-changing world.

Have I mentioned I miss my baby girl?


Called to renew

I fear I only turn to writing when I’m hurting…or trying to prove myself. I want it to be more than that. I want to write (or paint or say or sing or…) something that matters. Something that makes the world better, even if that betterment is just in encouraging myself. I want to remember that this blog exists and do so more than every few (ok, many) months.


Especially now with this little one around, I want to be and do better in every aspect of life, including this digital account of my life which no one may ever read. Challenge accepted.



I’m not dead and #CheersVoxBox

Ok, the writing (again) has gone off the deep end…but I want to keep trying! I have been writing daily in my prayer journal, which has been super good for me and even if this venture falls through, I hope to keep up with that one…for one thing my little journal I found at Target is SUPER ADORABLE!

Anyway, as you may have guess, a lot has happened since September. And at the forefront of everything is my beautiful, dancing little baby who is scheduled to be welcomed to the world in June 2016. (I hope that’s a good enough reason to have fallen off the blog world!) Our little Wonton (or Won, as we affectionately called him/her) has certainly taken up a lot of my focus and already rocked our world. Whether it be the 3 months of morning sickness, additional doctor appointments or the STRICT budgeting that’s happening, Baby is #1 these days.

And that long introduction to this post leads me to this, finances have been on our hearts and minds a lot lately because they seem to tighten every day. So, Momma has taken to couponing and searching out ways to decrease our spending as much as possible, including looking for as many freebies as possible.

Enter Influenster. I heard about this site via a YouTube channel I subscribe too and instantly fell in love! They send out boxes of products to be sampled and reviewed for free! I love this for 2 reasons: a)free (duh!) and b) I honestly think the customer review process is super helpful both as a reviewer and customer. Especially with the baby products we’ve been researching non-stop, hearing what other people have to say is uber helpful.

Long story short, my first Influenster VoxBox was a super hit, especially the shampoo and conditioner (from a brand I already love!) bath salts (which go great in my jetted tub) and #SnackWayBetter chips (this Baby is always hungry). I highly recommend this site and hope you will check it out, whoever you are reading this very boring and very inconsistent blog 🙂 Sign up here: https://www.influenster.com/

God bless!

PS I now plan to use this blog as both reflection space and review space…hopefully a good mixture will happen!